Circus Rambles - On really needing to use this blog more often, and on Portland
Have I mentioned that mental illness sucks in the last five minutes? Mental illness sucks, especially in the last five minutes. Because it ramps up my existing guilt about not blogging as often as I should and makes it really not very fun. I'm trying to be more active on social media these days. Or, I'm trying to make like a writer and actually fucking write every now and then. So I'm going to try and make blog posts out of my semi-demented ramblings to the stuffed bear that lives in my bed. If nothing else, it will be good future material for the psychological study into why I lost my mind. For those who didn't realize, I moved to the Portland metro area at the beginning of this year. So far, despite PTSD and generally high stress all around, I love it here. It's beautiful in ways I didn't expect, and I am so glad that I came here. I think the most surprising thing is all the flowers. I had no idea, but Portland prides itself on its flowers. They're everywhere, and this time of year especially, they're just so...gorgeous. And the trees. So many pretty evergreens. You've probably heard the rain stereotype about the Pacific Northwest. Well, it seems like it's true to me, but I have heard over and over again from locals that the weather this year was unusually bad and normally it isn't this rainy in the winter. I have nothing to compare it to as of yet, but it didn't really bother me. That's another thing about the rain stereotype: because it's at least partly true, everyone's used to it. If you use an umbrella, you are immediately branded as an out-of-towner. Maybe not out loud, but people will be thinking it at you. If you live here, you wear a jacket with a hood and you go about your life. I'm not really happy at this point in my life, but I recognize that the pieces of my happiness are somewhere to be found here. I'm fairly certain that a majority of them reside at Powell's, the best bookstore in the world. Oh yeah, today I went to Powell's and bought this inspiring thing:
https://squareup.com/store/impossiblewings/item/anyone-can-paint-their-nails-because-gender-is-imaginary-everything-is-meaningless-love-is-a-myth-sex-is-gross-we-all-die-alone-and-our-stupid-bodies-will-soon-return-to-the-dust-from-whence-they-came It is beautiful and inspiring and I love it. Once I finish it I may have to write another post on my feelings for it. My eyes are getting tired...Good night, strange little world.