Circus Rambles - On the hobbies of my youth, which mostly consisted of fanfiction because of course

The first thing I wrote consistently was terrible poetry. The second thing I wrote consistently was terrible fanfiction. No, really, it was terrible.

I started out with Teen Titans fanfiction, and thankfully, I have successfully deleted all traces of it from the Internet, because dear God was it bad. Now, granted, I was fifteen. Most people are not brilliant writers at fifteen. This is fair. Still, it all had to be destroyed. While I was writing all this eventual fire fuel, I was also reading others, and by God were there some fucked up fanfics back in the day. There was one involving Slade turning Robin into a girl, then raping Robin so that Robin would then get pregnant with a child that would grow up to become Slade's apprentice. And during this Robin moves in with Batman and makes out with Starfire. I swear to God this is a real thing. As best I can tell, it has also been erased from the Internet, and I can kind of understand that.

I feel like I got off topic somehow.

Over time I branched out and wrote more things, and they slowly got better over time, to the point that there's at least one or two things that I would actually consider okay. This is improvement, I think. But around my very early twenties, I stopped writing it. I got busy living a fucked up real life and I wasn't getting into as many new fandoms anymore; I got more into writing not-always-completely-terrible poetry; sadly, I eventually started writing less in general.

Recently I've been feeling completely terrible, as you do, and for some reason I got to thinking about fanfiction again. I remembered that at one time, HEY! Writing it had been fun. Reading it had been fun. It in general had been fun. So maybe it could be fun again.

So all of those dramatic paragraphs were basically just a way to tell you that I've started reading and writing fanfiction again. This is probably not a great thing to announce. I am not so good at great things, so I think this fits. It all started with looking for Yuri on Ice fanfiction, because I watched Yuri on Ice while really, really high, and that's the kind of thing you do in such a situation. And over time it snowballed into looking for stuff about Light and L (a friend and I are currently going through Death Note) and then just stuff about L because he is my husband, and now I'm attempting to write some fanfiction of my own that may or may not be shared with you all.

There's a reason we call this Circus Rambles, you know.

So I guess the moral of this story is: fanfiction is perhaps a bit helpful for mental health and that's okay.

Goodbye, everyone. I don't know what the hell is up with me today. I'm really really rambly. Do you expect otherwise from me at this point?

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