Circus Rambles - On a rather terrible world
Trigger warning: There was a pretty terrible murder in my area recently and I talk about it a bit here.
I will admit that I'm a pretty cynical person. I'm generally up front about that. A lot of it is probably related to personal life experiences and/or trauma. But I feel like these days especially, I have good reason to be cynical.
Of course, when I say things like that, I tend to get brushed off. Saying that the world is a terrible place gets me met with things like:
"Oh, you shouldn't be so cynical"
"Things aren't that bad"
"You should be more positive"
and so on.
Do I even need to say that things are bad in the world right now? Our own government is trying to erase every non-binary person out of existence. People get bombs in the mail. No one can keep count of how many mass shootings we're at. What can we do about it? Not much. Keep existing.
But damn it, I still have a heart. I don't think any child should think the way I do. Maybe it's naive and unrealistic, but I think kids should have a chance to be kids for a little while, no matter how much the world sucks.
In the news here recently: a five-year-old girl was murdered by her mom's boyfriend. My coworker has a five-year-old girl as well. They were best friends. How do you even begin to explain second-degree murder to a five-year-old? Even in a city with as high a crime rate as here, it's a hard thing to fathom. I feel very sad for both of them. I wish they didn't have to go through this. I wish a little kid didn't have to learn so early that sometimes horrible things happen for no reason whatsoever.
I don't really know what to do. I don't think there's a good answer. I don't know how to end this either. I just sort of needed to say something. Maybe that's the answer. Talk about it with an empty laptop for a bit, and then eat a slice of pizza and go to bed and bring your coworker a coffee in the morning. Tell your stuffed bear that you love them before you leave. Keep on going.
I'm in a weird mood. Maybe that was obvious already.
I hope all of you are well.