Circus Rambles - On a few weirdly unlucky birthdays

I was talking to a friend about being sick on birthdays, because I am currently sick and my birthday is right around the corner, and it randomly made me realize that I've been sick on more birthdays than I realized. In my current cold-medicine-induced state of boredom and talkativeness, I have decided to regale you with a few of these tales.

Let's see...Right before my nineteenth birthday I caught some weird vague undefined illness that made it hurt to move around. I recovered just in time for my birthday, and on my birthday itself my friend came to see me and we got hit by a truck on our way to the anime store. Hilariously enough, the place we crashed had an auto insurance place on one side of the road and an auto repair shop on the other, which was the funniest thing ever at the time. Worry not; my friend's car caught more damage than either of us did. We ended up going to see a movie with his mother, because about a month or so before this we had had another planned movie outing that had to be cancelled because he got into an unrelated accident on his way to see me (I think he got rear-ended) and he didn't want to cancel the movie again. And his mom came up and got us McDonald's, and we saw Megamind and it was pretty good.

On my twenty-first birthday, I was in the middle of a battle with viral bronchitis. I couldn't call out from work because they threatened to fire me if I did, so I showed up every single day I was sick. Worked in food service at the time, incidentally. I was young and dumb and needed a job, so I dragged myself to work while so sick I could barely move. Fuck me and my work ethic. Anyway, I was sick and I was also in a weird place with the person I was seeing at the time, and my coworker felt really bad for me so he offered me a dose of Xanax as a birthday present, and like I said I was young and dumb but I honestly appreciated the gesture. I always felt like this was one of those things that just happened in food service. Anyway anyway, a couple friends also took me to a bar for a birthday drink because, you know, twenty-one. I managed to get down one sip of a Long Island and then told them that I was going to be sick if I had to touch anything else.

I guess two isn't really that many tales. They did seem like Huge Deals at the time, I suppose. Honestly, I'm surprised I remembered that much. I'm only really thinking about this because twenty-seventh birthday is around the corner and I went home from work early today because I'm sick again. I hate being sick. I hate being sick on my birthday. In light of all the other shit happening in the world, that feels very petty, but I'm trying to teach myself that I'm allowed to want things like being not sick, or I'm allowed to just want things in general. I moved my therapy appointment to the day after my birthday because I didn't want to go to therapy on my birthday, because I want to pretend to be normal for a bit, but that's really weird because therapist will quit taking my insurance at the end of the year and then I won't have to try to pretend, I'll be forced to pretend I'm normal for real.

Hmmm. That got pretty heavy all of a sudden.

Do I have any other weird birthdays? Well...we made the big move from Indiana to Arkansas two days after my twelfth birthday, so my actual twelfth birthday was kind of tinged by goodbyes and preteen misery at being pulled away from my family and my friends and my whole entire not-very-long life. I did make some good friends and a whole bunch of bad ones. Grew into a semi-functional adult there. Had all my relationships thus far there. All that jazz.

Last year I was still dealing with a still-somewhat-recent-ish PTSD diagnosis and thus I was lonely and sad and in a weird place on my birthday. I guess that was weird. I do feel like I'm in a better place now, at least.

This year...I am hoping to not be sick on my birthday. I am not going to therapy. I am, however, working. Can't have everything as an adult, I suppose. But I might take myself to lunch before work, maybe. It would at least be something. I did just find a nice local pizza place that tastes amazingly wonderful and occasionally does game nights, and that helps.

Well, here's hoping I can shake off this sickness in time to have a hopefully somewhat normal birthday this time around.

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