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fractured starlight post-mortem

December 7, 2018

Hello! Time for a rather overdue post-mortem.

 

This is my first finished poetry collection and my first chapbook. It was originally written years ago for a friend of mine, a friend I haven't named and won't out of respect for their privacy.

 

fractured starlight is very different from everything else I've ever written. It is the only thing I've ever written in that style, and I was honestly a bit worried about it being the first “big thing” I released, because I thought it could set up certain expectations that I might not be able to fulfill. While I write about a lot of subjects that personally affect me and I put a lot of emotion into my work, this is by far the most personal of my projects. Perhaps because of that, it's also one of the few works that I can wholeheartedly say I'm proud of. I've shown it to close friends before, and a few of them have told me that it terrified them. And hearing that actually made me happy. The ability to evoke powerful emotion with my words is something I've always tried to strive for, and I'm glad to feel like I've at least gotten close to achieving it here.

 

(Incidentally, as a young'un I showed a poem in this to a partner of mine, and he said he wasn't sure if I was trying to scare him or flirt with him.)

 

I mostly process my emotions through writing, so this was very helpful for getting through some of the stuff I was feeling at the time. Truthfully, I can hardly remember writing it. I tend to get that way after long enough; I suffer a lot of dissociation. It's kind of a pain. But I got through it somehow.

 

The decision to commission illustrations for this work mostly came about because this is my proudest work and I wanted to give it respect. Really, it's the only work of mine that I can look at and say I'm 100% proud of with no hesitation, and that's kind of a big deal when your self-esteem is as low as mine. In retrospect, it maybe wasn't the wisest financial decision, and due to fear and insecurity and other brain problems of mine, I ended up sitting on them for far too long. However, I am happy with how the illustrations themselves turned out. I think the artist, Renmiou, did a great job on them and I would definitely recommend working with them if you ever find yourself looking. (I also hope they might forgive me for sitting on their work for too long.)

 

A couple people have asked me how I found Renmiou. I admired their work on Black Closet by Hanako Games, and I reached out and asked if they would be interested in a different sort of project. One person has asked why they are credited with their full DeviantArt URL in my book, and that is because they specifically asked to be credited that way.

 

At time of writing, I've sold two physical copies and one e-book copy, and honestly I'm trying to completely put the numbers out of my mind. I'm reminding myself that a big part of my philosophy as a writer is taking things at my own pace, and for the love of God I need to stop trying to compare myself to the productivity or popularity or sales of other writers. Maybe if it was another work, it would be different. But for this one, getting it out there was the most important. It still feels surreal to have it available publicly where people can choose to buy it. I'm not sure if I'll ever get used to that. I suppose I'll have to at some point.

 

Coming back to the style for a quick moment: while I haven't written anything else with the same style as this, I did actually have thoughts of writing a sequel/companion collection to fractured starlight. It would have been called paper carousels, which is why the book ends with those words. I think I still have the bits and pieces on my computer somewhere. It ultimately never materialized, but I won't rule it out. Maybe someday.

 

I think that's about all I have to say. If you have any further questions about the book, feel free to reach out and ask me! You can purchase physical copies on Etsy and digital copies on Etsy and itch.io.

 

Thank you for your continued support.

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