Circus Rambles - On being very ill recently

Well, God knows I need to write more, and blog posts are probably a good idea, and blog posts about health issues are a surefire way to fame and fortune. And also I'm trying to get better about talking about these things as a way of processing. I dunno, y'all, I'm trying to be mentally healthy and it really doesn't come naturally to me.


So back in November, I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and fatty liver disease. While I already have depression, anxiety, PTSD, autism, and some as-of-yet-undiagnosed sleep problem. The combination of all these things at once plus the chaotic state of the world led to me needing to take time off, and so I'm on medical leave for a little bit. I'm trying to adjust to this terrible diabetes medication that makes me too sick to function, but if I don't take it I'm going to die like my grandmother. People keep telling me to think happy thoughts and that if I stay positive everything will be okay. People keep telling me there are answers for everything. I said happy thoughts don't stop my liver enzymes from being elevated. I said I'm scared and I felt like no one wanted to acknowledge it. I guess I get heavy at dinnertime.


I'm trying to get better and I don't really know how to. The doctor didn't tell me. Someone told me that I should have asked. How was I supposed to know what to ask? How was I supposed to know what was going on?


Right now I'm sort of trying to figure things out for myself. I don't know what else to do. I usually figure things out for myself. I'll keep trying.


I didn't entirely mean to get that heavy. I usually don't. I tend to talk without thinking, hence why these tend to be labelled rambles.


Anyway, Happy New Year again, I suppose. I think the entire pandemic will feel like 2020 and then we'll be rushing to catch up later on.

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